______ __
/ ____/___ _____/ /___ ______ ___
/ /_ / __ \/ ___/ __/ / / / __ \/ _ \
/ __/ / /_/ / / / /_/ /_/ / / / / __/
/_/ \____/_/ \__/\__,_/_/ /_/\___/
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
-- Mitch Hedberg
According to Arkansas law, Section 4761, Pope's Digest: "No person
shall be permitted under any pretext whatever, to come nearer than
fifty feet of any door or window of any polling room, from the opening
of the polls until the completion of the count and the certification of
the returns."
He hadn't a single redeeming vice.
-- Oscar Wilde
Your home electrical system is basically a bunch of wires that
bring electricity into your home and take if back out before it has a
chance to kill you. This is called a "circuit". The most common home
electrical problem is when the circuit is broken by a "circuit
breaker"; this causes the electricity to back up in one of the wires
until it bursts out of an outlet in the form of sparks, which can
damage your carpet. The best way to avoid broken circuits is to change
your fuses regularly.
Another common problem is that the lights flicker. This
sometimes means that your electrical system is inadequate, but more
often it means that your home is possessed by demons, in which case
you'll need to get a caulking gun and some caulking. If you're not
sure whether your house is possessed, see "The Amityville Horror", a
fine documentary film based on an actual book. Or call in a licensed
electrician, who is trained to spot the signs of demonic possession,
such as blood coming down the stairs, enormous cats on the dinette
table, etc.
-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
Grandpa Charnock's Law:
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the
light more."
Saw a sign on a restaurant that said Breakfast, any time -- so I
ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
-- Steven Wright
I'll grant thee random access to my heart,
Thoul't tell me all the constants of thy love;
And so we two shall all love's lemmas prove
And in our bound partition never part.
-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
Thursday, 10 September 2026 Michael J. Chappell Contact me at:
mcsuper5@freeshell.org
