______ __
/ ____/___ _____/ /___ ______ ___
/ /_ / __ \/ ___/ __/ / / / __ \/ _ \
/ __/ / /_/ / / / /_/ /_/ / / / / __/
/_/ \____/_/ \__/\__,_/_/ /_/\___/
Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week:
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
Last night, I came home and realized that everything in my apartment
had been stolen and replaced with an exact duplicate. I told this to
my friend -- he said, `Do I know you?'
-- Steven Wright
Don't hit a man when he's down -- kick him; it's easier.
Why not have an old-fashioned Christmas for your family this year?
Just picture the scene in your living room on Christmas morning as your
children open their old-fashioned presents.
Your 11-year-old son: "What the heck is this?"
You: "A spinning top! You spin it around, and then eventually it
falls down. What fun! Ha, ha!"
Son: "Is this a joke? Jason Thompson's parents got him a computer
with two disk drives and 128 kilobytes of random-access memory,
and I get this cretin TOP?"
Your 8-year-old daughter: "You think that's bad? Look at this."
You: "It's figgy pudding! What a treat!"
Daughter: "It looks like goat barf."
-- Dave Barry, "Simple, Homespun Gifts"
A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I
believe everything positively stinks.
-- Lew Col
Every group has a couple of experts. And every group has at least one
idiot. Thus are balance and harmony (and discord) maintained. It's
sometimes hard to remember this in the bulk of the flamewars that all
of the hassle and pain is generally caused by one or two
highly-motivated, caustic twits.
-- Chuq Von Rospach, about Usenet
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
Issawi's Laws of Progress:
The Course of Progress:
Most things get steadily worse.
The Path of Progress:
A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
Sunday, 15 February 2026 Michael J. Chappell Contact me at:
mcsuper5@freeshell.org
