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"You are old," said the youth, "and I'm told by my peers
	That your lectures bore people to death.
Yet you talk at one hundred conventions per year --
	Don't you think that you should save your breath?"

"I have answered three questions and that is enough,"
	Said his father, "Don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
	Be off, or I'll kick you downstairs!"

Why not have an old-fashioned Christmas for your family this year?
Just picture the scene in your living room on Christmas morning as your
children open their old-fashioned presents.

Your 11-year-old son: "What the heck is this?"

You:	"A spinning top!  You spin it around, and then eventually it
	falls down.  What fun!  Ha, ha!"

Son:	"Is this a joke?  Jason Thompson's parents got him a computer
	with two disk drives and 128 kilobytes of random-access memory,
	and I get this cretin TOP?"

Your 8-year-old daughter: "You think that's bad?  Look at this."

You:	"It's figgy pudding!  What a treat!"

Daughter: "It looks like goat barf."
		-- Dave Barry, "Simple, Homespun Gifts"

Birth, n.:
	The first and direst of all disasters.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some
memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin' it,
even if they don't know what it means.
		-- Walt Kelly, "The Pogo Party"

Fail we may, sail we must

Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never
tried taking candy from a baby.
		-- Robin Hood

If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the
plantation and go home.
		-- Eugene P. Gallagher

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.


Another page of fortunes...

Thursday, 23 April 2026   Michael J. Chappell   Contact me at: mcsuper5@freeshell.org Made with Emacs